Sunday, July 10, 2005

momisms

Being at home has inspired me to list my top ten favorite 'mom' moments. And here they are in no particular order. Siblings and all others who have experienced these various momisms, feel free to add to the list.

1. Yesterday, my mother says to me, "You don't know how much I cha-mo (endure quietly) when I go to work. I close my eyes, mouth, and ears and just do what they tell me to do. I no fighting." Really?!?!? Why? "Because they send mommy warning. They say if I keep fighting, they fire!" She looks at me with wide eyes then bursts into laughter. "Can you believe it?" Hell yeah. Then she puts her finger to her lips then tightly blinks three times, which is my mother's way of winking once. "It's secret. Don't tell anyone."

2. I once asked my mother what animal she would be if she could be anything else for one day. She sits reflectively for a mere moment and says, "I know. Poodle." What - why? "Because no one is mean to poodle. They give good food and brush hair and put ribbon in. It's nice."

3. When I was in sixth grade, I walked into the living room while my mother was watching a movie. She looks at me horrified and says, "What kind of movie is this?" I picked up the box. It's Godfather - mom, this movie is really violent. It's about gangsters. "It's not about God?" No mom, that's God the Father, this is the Godfather.

4. That same year, my mother chased a neighborhood bully for five blocks in her royal blue nightgown with pink buttons. When my brother finally befriended that kid, Mike, he said he'd never been so afraid in his life.

5. My mother bitched out my sister's cheerleading coach when she didn't make the team. Even in her broken English, the words, "You stupid!" were clearly heard over and over again.

6. Last year, while I was still living in San Francisco, my whole family had come out for my cousin's wedding. My mother, grandfather, and I had just arrived at the hotel where they were all staying. My mother and grandfather went inside while I stayed behind to gather all the bags. I get up to the elevator and press the button. The doors open and there's my mother and grandfather just standing there. She looks at me and says, "Oh. Where are we? You tricking us!" I laughed and denied her accusations. They had apparently forgotten to press the button inside and had been standing in an unmoving elevator.

7. Another elevator story. When I was home from college, my mother and I entered the elevator of our apt building. In a low grumble she says, "When this door closes, you are going to die." What? "I said, when this door closes, you are going down!" Whatever mom. Sure enough, as soon as the door closes my mother lunges at me and tries to knock me over. I'm sure our loud cackling could be heard through the doors.

8. This morning my mother told me that I needed to dress 'less' to church and walk with a bit of a sway. As she demonstrated this to me, she says, "This is the only way to get a man!" This occurred after an hour of sitting with my aunt and mother at breakfast discussing their concerns about my very single life.

9. My mother invents her own words like "wrinkle-jinkle". I remember the moment when she learned that "wrinkle-jinkle" wasn't a real word and that she had herself, added the "jinkle".

10. Everytime my mother has a bowel movement, she thanks God.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL!!!

11:52 AM  
Blogger Chuck said...

Priceless. :)

12:12 PM  
Anonymous K. Park said...

Sounds like MY mom.

4:43 PM  
Blogger PhotoMom said...

OMG - I'm in TEARS! Hilrity! My Korean mother says "stoop-en" instead of stupid.

8:33 PM  
Blogger Dee said...

Hilarious. I can totally relate

10:35 AM  

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