Monday, October 24, 2005

realizations and updates

I just realized that I have no clue what it is that I want out of life. This scares the shit out of me. I used to think that I was pretty self-confident and had my goals nicely laid out for me. All of course - so "easily" attainable. Now I feel lost. And as my family and friends know, I hate feeling lost. I will talk their ears off about all the what-if's in life and analyze myself to death in hopes to find some sense of control. Some sense of meaning. Sorry guys. he he he...

And on to other updates.

So whoever asked me to please date Noel, my apologeeze. I blew both of them off this past weekend. And Noel is the sweetest guy and called me earlier today to go see some show tonight. But weekdays are generally reserved for school and weekends for sulking about school work. But here's a fun story. So the investment banker - lord, I can't even remember his name at the moment - was really intent on getting a second date. Here's the trick though: women like a little mystery in men and a bit of aloofness. Everything else just looks too desperate. This guy called me almost every day, texted me, and occasionally emailed. I wasn't even that nice to him on the phone, which may have worked against me. So I sent him an email yesterday - a polite email stating that I was too busy to be really dating anyone and that it wasn't fair to have someone constantly waiting on my schedule. I recieved two emails. At 2:30, he wrote that he didn't want anything serious and that meeting sporadically would be fine. I guess by 3:30, he changed his mind and wrote me this nasty little email about how he wasn't going to waste his time for a flake. And for those who don't get it. I'm the flake! I started laughing and almost sent him another email but didn't want to fuel the fire. No mystery here.

But while I'm in this self-analyzing moment in life, I will admit this is the second "nasty" email I recieved from a guy. The first one came this past summer from this lawyer I met on the subway. He had just moved back from giving a series of lectures in Europe. We went out on two dates - two fairly decent dates, but again, I just wasn't in the mood. After I cancelled our third date, he wrote me this email about how rude it was that I kept blowing him off. Maybe I cancelled more than that third date, I can't remember. I believe he wrote something about how very not-nice my behaviors were. I replied that his frustrations were being directed at me when in reality they're probably more about other things...and I listed a few examples. In truth, I'm sure I was being frustrating and maybe wanted to be more so. I never heard back from him again. I didn't expect to.

hmm....I wonder if there is a link between my complaints about the lack of men in my life and what these guys have been telling me. Though Raul tells me that I keep dating beneath me and that's why I keep giving guys the big 'ol boot. ah, Raul's nice.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:52 PM  
Anonymous dbae said...

What's above an ibanker or a lawyer? Pastor? Have a great week. ;-)

11:24 PM  

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