Thursday, November 24, 2005

gobble, gobble goo

As we passed the turkey with its pear and cranberry chutney, Raul looked at me and asked, "Did your family have Thanksgiving dinner?" I took another giant swig of wine - a yummy, yummy Moscato wine from California - and replied "Of course. Jennifer always cooked it". I looked around at all the food: the sausage stuffing made with a fresh sour dough loaf my sister cut and toasted over night, mashed potatos, organic corn and string beans, beets she roasted just a few minutes before dinner, and the yummiest apple and pumkin pies - complete with that slightly lopsided crust that screamed made with homemade lovin'. It's amazing how much my life has transformed from my childhood days of Hungry Jack spuds and extra helpings of Stove Top stuffing. I laughed and told Raul, "Thanksgiving dinners were just like our Mexican dinners. Straight out of a box and can. mmm. I've had some great memories with Taco Bell or Ortega family dinners." Raul made his stink face.

I am an avid complainer of life. People often mistake this for my complete and utter misery. Okay, it's true. This year, I have felt caged in with one obligation after another, but in truth - somewhere deep down, I still hold on to that little part of me that still gives so freely to living or at least still wants to. And that's important. I've recently changed my mind about one thing - no way in hell am I going after a professorship when I'm finished with school. I'm just not built to be so career oriented anymore. Earlier this year, I questioned whether I wanted a family or children even. Jenn scoffed. Raul raised his eyebrows. But older sis' know best. As Andres and I made our way through Soho yesterday, he gave me eyes that read, "how can you not want a me of your own one day?" And I kissed him all over his pudgy belly as he screamed and grabbed at my ears. I think the people sitting next to us were less amused.

Over dinner today, Raul commented that the day I have them over for Thanksgiving dinner will be Jenn's happiest day. And for the first time, I could actually picture little beccups running around with even more little Guttierez's. And in this silly heart of mine, I really wanted it. Of course, it will all have to wait a few more years. I have some partying in me yet - Not to mention another three years of complaining about student life. Poor Jenn and Raul. Thanksgiving hosts for another few years. And for this and all their never-ending support, I am most grateful for. Without all the loving ears of my family and friends, my complaints would sit with me and turn my soul into an icky mess. Thanks.

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