Monday, January 23, 2006

changes and instabilities

I'm lost and feeling rather ungrounded. I just want to lie in bed all day and listen to the rain fall from the sky. There are busy lives being lived outside these walls, but I'm fighting to keep from starting mine. Classes begin tomorrow. Reports are due and roughly a dozen externship applications need to be mailed by Thursday. And I feel homeless. Given my financial situation, I was forced to move out of my little upper west side studio and into a larger upper, upper west side apt with roommates. My life is lying somewhere up in harlem in boxes strewn around a foreign place.

It's funny. From the time I was born until my junior year in college, my mother moved 11 times. It has always been a running joke amongst family and friends. I think that in part, this is the reason why my siblings and I have always been able to pick up and move across country without much thought to reason or across the world to begin new lives. Home has always been a feeling that lingered somewhere in the suburbs of Philly rather than a specific location or address. But now I've lost my place - my specific address. And I'm sad. I just want to throw myself on the ground have a giant tantrum. But really - who has the energy these days?

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